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Brrr and also poo.
It is mad weather here, sledging it down one minute, then sleeting, then absolutely boiling. When I go out, I have to take my umbie, welligogs, coat, sunglasses, bikini, and fur pants. (Actually I am exaggerating, which is unusual for me...that last bit is not true, I do not take my fur pants. I can't because Rosie has
"borrowed" them. I don't like to think why. I think it is for her planned Halloween party. God help us one and all, Tiny Tim.)
As usual her "party" has a theme. Do you remember her fish party? I do, it will remain seared on my memory for ever. Sven wore a codpiece. And I do mean a codpiece...a piece of cod. And that was all he wore. Rosie had both her legs down one leg of a pair of blue trousers and a sort of scaly bra. And a wig made out of wool. She said she was a mermaid. And we had to dance to music with a fishy theme,
Titanic and Jaws, etc.
As you may also remember—those of you who can be BOTHERED to remember the aggers I go through...anyway, don't worry I luuuurve you, even you naughty, lazy ones...where was I? Oh yes, at RoRo's last party fiasco, I had been reading my mum’s book
How to Make Any Twit Fall in Love With You and one of the methods it suggested was
"sticky-eye technique," where you look at a bloke for just a bit too long, then you look away, and then you look up again, and then you let your eyes drift down to his chin and then back up again.
The book also suggested you try flicking your hair a bit, but quite frankly I was confused enough by the eye business. Anyway, for a laugh I tried it out on some fool from another school and it worked in an alarming way. He was mesmerized by me and started following me about like a seeing-eye dog. And he still does!!! Even though I haven't spoken to him in about a zillion years except to say "Er, will you go away,
So this is my advice to you if you get asked to a party by anyone at all like Rosie—do not go. I will not be going to her Halloween
extravaganza, themed "Vikings at play”…but I will tell you all about it next time.
Oh, and I have secret news full of excitingosity and glam, but my lips
are sealed for now, so I must wait to tell you about it next
The Confessions of Georgia Nicolson
by Louise Rennison